Widownet

I wanted to say a couple of words about Widownet. I found this place in 1997 after the passing of my wife. I posted most of my poems from that period of time to the Widownet. It is only through the strength of the people I met there that helped me through that most difficult time, that I made it. If you have lost a spouse or fiancee, please go there. They can help. I also met Lisa, my wife, on Widownet. There is always a silver lining.

Widownet.org

June 15th, Father's Day

Well, I have been leading up to it for several months now, and it's time to face the facts. There was a period in my life when I was fairly prolific and it centered around Father's Day, 1997. On that day my wife, Sandy, died from a heart problem that a month before we didn't even know she had. Needless to say that made a serious impression on me, that still shows up in my writing to this day (see last month's poem). The truth is, I am happily married to my second wife, Lisa, and have two wonderful children. But if I am going to cover the breadth of my poetry, some of the work from this period must come out. There is some really good stuff here or, at least some truly raw emotion.
I have decided to post two poems this month, and then move on to other things next month. The first is untitled and was written over a month after she passed away. The second one was the first poem I wrote after she died, and is one of my favorites from that time period. I have a couple of other favorites that will show up eventually. The poem-eulogy is something I have become adept at. Please enjoy, if that isn't too morbid a thing to say.

08/20/97

Never understood why you never got better
Never could see why it had to be you
I remember the way you used to suffer
The fire that burned struggled to glow through

I remember the end how it just got darker
How slowly you faded away from me
How I would've given anything
To have you the way you used to be

I talked to you and you said, "I'm scared"
You said, "I really don't want to be here,
I'm miserable and all the nurses are mean,
I just want to go home."

Are you happy now?
I hope so.
Does the light shine brightly in your soul?
As you stare in the face of heaven
Do you finally know what it is to be whole?

Are you crying now,
The way you used to,
When you were so happy you simply beamed?
When joy was a radiant sunset
that glowed round your slate blue seas.

I miss those eyes and cheeks and tears.
Those stormy nights and joyous dawns.
I need a glimpse and breath of you
To travel this ocean I'm on

Are you happy now?
I hope so
I hope you are aching with smiles
I hope your laughter deafens the angels
And sweetens the ears of a child

Are you missing me?
I hope not
I hope you're too happy to see
The hurt that wells up inside me
Let nothing keep you from being finally free

If all I ever wanted was for you to be happy, than my wish at last came true.
I guess all I really wanted was, to be there when you were happy too.

Memories will allow
For healing to flow
As long as I know
Are you happy now?

written by Jeff Couch 08/20/97

Commencement

It started with goldfish, the cheese flavored kind
I threw them and she laughed at that strange mixed-up guy
She gave me a nick-name and we grew to be friends
We pondered the mysteries of the world without end

Until one day it dawned on me
Was she the subject of my poetry
Those flowery verse written to true love not yet met
The anguished choruses of where my desires were set

And so...
We began

It started under an oak tree, with snow falling lightly
I proposed with a poem and she started crying
I said, "Well what's your answer?" and she said, "It's yes silly"
We embraced as the breeze blew brisk and chilly

Until one day standing before God
I promised forever and He made us one
Something not just a pageant but a melding true
Where two equals one and one are still two

And so...
We began

It started with a peace, the God-given kind
As our naive, trembling hearts weathered storming times
She never stopped giving, or loving or blessing
We took every day and reveled in being married

Until one day she had to leave
She laid there quiet, I watched for her to breathe
The time was perfect, the hand steady and sure
As the glory of all eternity opened up and welcomed her

And so...
She began

written by Jeff Couch 07/25/97